confronting my parental legacy

Ya, I know... you're saying, 'How is it *MY* fault?'

I'm not saying it is. Totally.

I don't know WHY I am the way I am. I know that I am sarcastic and cynical and more than a little angry. I learned to be aloof from you. It haunts me. It follows me everywhere I go. I am so negative, I am a procrastinator. Were these nature, or nurture? Is it all a load of bullshit? Does it even matter?

If I had hired someone to manage my life, I would have fired her by now. Bills don't get paid, there is never enough money to go around. Things don't get done, deadlines are missed. Bad things happen. People get neglected. Business is ignored. Don't talk about it ~ don't deal with it ~ and it will go away. I learned that from you.

I know it's really cliché, I'm this way because my mom and dad didn't love me enough, blah blah blah. I get it.

My responsibilities have responsibilities. My burdens have burdens. My worries have worries. I'm walking around every single day, with my head under water. I'm standing in the middle of a room screaming and no one even bothers to look up.

I'm not saying it's your fault. Not totally.

But what if part of it is?